In the Future there is Only War...

"Heresy is like a tree, its roots lie in the darkness whilst its leaves wave in the sun and to those who suspect naught it has an attractive and pleasing appearance. Truly, you can prune away its branches, or even cut the tree to the ground, but it will grow up again ever the stronger and ever more comely. Yet all awhile the roots grow thick and black, gnawing at the bitter soil, drawing its nourishment from the darkness, and growing even greater and deeply entrenched. Such is the nature of heresy, and this is why it is so hard to destroy, for it must be eradicated leaf, branch, trunk and root. It must be exorcised utterly or it will return all the stronger, time and time again, until it is too great to destroy. Then we are doomed."

I just thought this was a cool quote. It's from Warhammer 40,000, a game set in the 41st millenium, where mankind tetters on the brink of extinction and the galaxy is forever embroiled in war. Freaky, huh?

Whoa whoa whoa! It's a new post! Huzzah!

So I have a lot of homework to do. But I don't do it. Why, you ask? Because I'm a procrastinator. I have a billion other things I'd rather be doing. But I'm getting better. Tonight I did my laundry at around 8:30 as opposed to starting it at 11:30. That's a huge improvement. That means I'll be able to get to bed sooner. Yeah, right. Oh, I folded it, too. Mom would be proud.

There are too many nice friends and family members I have that like to talk to me on the phone. I'd rather do that than homework any day. Plus, I have a figgity-fantastic computer with a large number of games that I have yet to beat installed on it. They are crying out for me to conquer them! And on top of that, I have an entire army of Space Marines that wants to be fully painted, not just sprayed completely blue or in the un-primed gray! Gah! They're so needy!

I wish I could stop myself and get more stuff done that mattered. It's so hard to sometimes. And no, I'm not asking for advice, or help. I'm just saying it out loud. Because I already know what I'm supposed to do and even how I'm supposed to do it. I'm 23 now, I can take care of myself. I can be responsible. It's just a matter of doing it and sometimes that motivation is hard to find. So that the real thing I need to figure out: what's my motivation?

I obviously can't just do it for myself. Frankly, I could care less if I got stuff done. I mean, the future me cares a lot about getting stuff done, but not the present me so much. *shrugs* I'm glad I don't own a time machine, I'd be beating the crap out of myself on a regular basis. So, yeah.

I love God so much. He always is there. Always. Always taking care of me, always giving me strength and good council...He's awesome. I wish I had gotten up for church this morning. I need a man to come in with a knife and threaten to kill me...that'd get me up. Or like a big bag of money that fell from an airplane and is spilling bills all over the parking lot. Church is one of those things that is hard for me to get up the motivation to go but once I do I ALWAYS enjoy myself, and I'm always glad that I did it. Like the gym. Thank God I have enforced PT.

Anyway...thanks for putting up with my laziness, everyone. I'm sorry for it, but I appreciate you dealing with it because I'm sure you've all had to at one time or another. I'm trying to get better. I will. Now I have to go, I'm sleepy, my shoulder hurts like a mo fo, and I wish that I had a cuddling buddy.

"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." James 1:12
"He that endureth to the end shall be saved." Matthew 10:22

If the Green Belt Instructor Course has taught me one thing, it is how to persevere. With God's strength, I can stick it through anything. Keep on truckin'.

God Bless you all,

-Matt

Random Post

Here are ten thoughts that are drifting around in my head right now:

1.) Any guy who wears a t-shirt that says "Everyone loves a/an(insert ethnicity) boy" is pretty much retarded and should be shot.

2.) People who rely on their own "understanding" and "wisdom" instead of God's deserve to fall in the crevice that is yawning in front of them, no exceptions.

3.) Cuddling with a loved one is pretty much one of the greatest things that you can do, hands down.

4.) Your family should always be one of the most important parts of your life.

5.) Procrastination ranks right up there with pride on the List of Characteristics That Should Be Avoided at All Costs.

6.) I wish someone would write a book on how to stop procrastinating. And then send it to me. For free.

7.) Jesus Christ is the greatest thing that has ever been given to this crummy, messed-up world. And one of the biggest pieces of corroborating evidence is that most people don't even realize it.

8.) I know someone who sounds cute when they're tired.

9.) There are not enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do.

10.) If I could change into anything I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, and for however long I wanted to, I promise you all that I would never complain about anything ever again.


"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:37-40

I need to stop being so annoyed with people. I'm sure I annoy a lot of people myself. Like Vegans.

God bless,
-Matt

Recovering? Recovered?

Here's a question: how long after one relationship ends are the people emotionally ready for another?

I guess there are a lot of factors involved, like the length of the previous relationship, the depth and seriousness of the relationship, availability and quality of support networks, stuff like that. But does the human heart heal at the same speed no matter the person? Is that a consistent part of everyone's emotional make-up?

I've always been a pretty emotionally stable person. As long as I've had God on my side, I've been able to slog through whatever life has dealt me. I talk to my friends and they definitely have always been there to help me, as well as my family. But there have been a lot of times when I have either kept everything to myself or just not had anyone around to share with. Those times it was just myself and the Almighty. I've always considered myself to be blessed enough to be a "dealer." I "deal" with the things that happen to me. Sure, I may rail out loud about the circumstances, but that's just to express frustration. I've already made peace with the situation if I know that I can't do anything about it, because I know it's in God's hands. Which are really big and capable.

So that means that I'm a quick healer when it comes to relationships. Don't get me wrong, when I'm in a serious relationship and it ends, I'm broken hearted. I'll cry and mope. This last time I actually considered, for a while, that I was suffering from a mild form of depression because I didn't find pleasure in any of the activities that I used to enjoy and I had a little trouble sleeping. That may not seem like a lot to some of you, but for me, the "dealer," it shows a lot. But after a couple of weeks/months, I am a lot better. And trying to move on. That's what helps me.

So I guess what I'm wondering about right now is how can you tell if you've recovered from a relationship? Or do we ever really recover from relationships? Maybe it just becomes easier to deal with the emotions after a while and we're never truly recovered. I think that when you share an emotional relationship of that depth with someone else, you can never quite be the same as you were before that...and you will always share something special with that other person. I guess that's what makes dating so tricky, and it makes me think that maybe we go at dating in the wrong way. I don't know.

What I do know is that I trust God with my life. I make my own decisions, try to base them on His guidance, and everything that I encounter shapes who I am. I am the person that I am today because of what happened to me yesterday, and the decisions I make today will mold the person I am tomorrow. So I wouldn't change a thing that I've been through. But that doesn't mean I can't be smarter, and more careful and prayerful about the decisions that face me today.

I'm not going to dwell. I have learned, I am still learning, and dealing with the effects of my actions. I will move on with God's help because that's who I am.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9

"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."
Romans 8:24, 25

I've seen the footprints in the sand; I've been carried far enough, Father. With your guidance, I want to walk on my own now.

God be with you,
-Matt