Rant? Wine?
I spent all weekend in my room, by myself, playing on the computer. I'm starting to hate the weekends just as much as I hate the weekdays. I am very lonely here. It's not that I don't have plenty of people to talk to, it's that I have no one to hang out with. It's crazy. And it's not that I need more time with God, or to read more Scripture about how He's always with me. I know that. I've read them. It's just that I've been like this for almost the entire time I've been in the Marine Corps, excluding when Audrey was out here. And even then sometimes I wished there were other people there I could hang out with. Where do I meet new people? Church? That is lonlier than staying in my room sometimes. I miss my friends. I miss my brothers. I hate this place. No, I don't hate California. I hate being alone. And I know that God is here with me. But God isn't pysically here hanging out with me. God does not verbally talk to me. God does not eat Panda Express or go to see movies or like to body boarding at Del Mar. So please, do not mention God to me. I love Him. He supports me. He is my strength. But I crave human companionship. *sigh* I'm not writing this down for pity's sake. I'm just putting it out there so I can look at how I'm feeling. Plus it pulls the gigantic weight off my heart. I don't know when I've been this miserable. But writing this has helped, actually. Because just like so many things in my life, I just have to fume about it and then accept it. *shrugs* Yeah. So there it is. I hope I feel better now.
God bless,
-Matt
posted by Sergeant Uriel Ventris @ 11:14 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Matt, You're right, God made us to have intamate relationships with other people just as much as He made us to have them with Him. You are missing out on half of what God meant for you to have, people. Jesus didn't go around all by Himself, saying, "I've got God, that's all I need!" (That's a lie of the modern day church, "All you need is God!" Well, not according to God!) No, He had friends, close friends, so close He died for them.
I wish I could be there for you. To be the kind of friend you need right now. I'll pray for you, to find new and exciting realationships with all kinds of people, but remember, you have to work on it too. That was my problem in NC, I didn't really try to make friends, I just wanted them to appear, but I don't think that's the way it works.
Anyway, I hope to see you soon, call me anytime, I'm not doing too much right now! God bless you.
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