Surprise!!

I'm not dead, I'm just home. I hope everyone's doing well...I'm getting along. I love my family, and I love New York. I can't believe I only have one year left in the Marines...about time. I'll be back in Cali in a week. I don't miss it...but I will when it's gone, I'm sure. Michelle, keep your chin up...Thorin and Molly, I miss you guys...Scott, come home soon...Audrey, I hope you're doing well...Jake, thanks for letting me see your place...Adam, where the heck are you...I love you guys.

God bless,
-Matt

Why?

Why, if I am a nice guy that doesn't drink, treat women like things or speak crudely about them, enjoy watching sports, or swear, do I have to be gay? Why is that the only conclusion that people can come to? I don't even care what they think. I know I'm not gay. Their uninformed opinion does not make me question anything about who I am. But it does make me go back to when I was just a goofy little dork with thick glasses and knobby knees. I remember what it was like to get picked on in class. On the playground. In the lunchroom. Why do people do this? Why do people treat people like this? How can a human being be so hurtful and harsh on the inside to actually desire to make other people feel bad? I am overwhelmed with sorrow for all the insults I have thrown, and for all the pain I have caused. I know that I am not that person anymore, but that doesn't make it any easier to think about.

*sigh*

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:44, 45

Please bring them peace in their hearts, Lord. Help them to discover your truth and saving grace, and change their hearts and their lives. I'm so sad for them. Even more so because I used to be one of them, and only by Your grace was I changed.

God bless,
-Matt

"...But Now I'm Found..."

Everyone has a plan for their life...or at least some expectations. Not that they have all the little details figured out, but they know pretty much which direction they want to go in. And some people do get into all the little details and whatnot...I think most people have a short film in their head containing the most important future moments of their lives. And then God comes along and says "No."

I never thought I would join the military. Certainly not the Marine Corps. And yet here I am, almost four years into my contract and shortly I'll be on my way out. This fall I'm applying for college...again. Except this time I'll be 23. Will I have to live on campus? How the heck am I supposed to share a room with some 19-20 year old kid? I will probably kill him, and then have to spend some time in prison. Not to mention the spiritual consequences. And don't even get me started on my plan for my relationships...which has been torn asunder many times...mostly by me screwing things up myself. *shakes head* Or going ahead with one plan when God is telling me something completely different. It's easy to tone Him out until he starts knocking with an A-bomb.

I need to be able to see God's plan and not just submit to His will, but submit joyfully. There is a reason for everything He does. If I'm in the Marine Corps, it's because He needs to build my character, have me see things most people never will, develope compassion and strength...billions of encounters and lessons weaving in and out of each other. No matter how perfect something might seem, no matter how much we want it...if He says no, it's because He knows best. How many little kids do you think thought their mommy or daddy was mean for not letting them touch that shiny red stove top?

I'm going home soon, and there probably won't be a lot of chances there for me to hang out with my friends...most of them don't live there anymore. But there is something there for me, some lesson, some message, some special time with my family, or quiet time with him that is waiting for me. All I have to do is open myself up. I've got the best navigator in the universe...time to trust His brilliant and perfect maps, and not the ones I drew up on a napkin.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

That is probably my favorite verse from the Bible. Let's keep our hands away from the stove, shall we?

God bless,
-Matt

I Got Cut in Half!

Which Star Wars character are you?

www.LiquidGeneration.com

All That Insane Training Has Paid Off...

I almost forgot to post this...I guess because I don't normally talk to anyone, so I forgot to let someone (or something, rather) what was going on in my life. Today at the end of our formation, Sgt McDonald asked everyone to stay back for a second. Then he announced that we had two new brown belt instructors to congratulate and I stood there thinking, "Wow, that's cool! I wonder when I'm going to get mine." That's when I realized that he was talking about Cpl Prou and myself! It was so great. Normally, to gain a belt you have to go through an intense two-week course that entails a lot of PT (physical training) and a lot more grappling (wrestling), getting thrown around, sparring, and a whole lot of drills designed to improve your physical fitness. But Sgt McDonald had just mentioned to me the other day that as a Black Belt Instructor-Trainer, he could award belts based on effort and merit alone. I thought that was pretty cool...but I didn't really think that's how I'd get it. I spent a month training one Grey Belt course and one Green Belt course and I had the best time I've ever had in the Marine Corps. I love doing martial arts, it's something I'm actually good at and I'd like to think I'm a proficient teacher...still learning, of course. I am so thankful that God has said that I'm ready for this added responsibility and status, and I just pray for the wisdom and ability to hold this station and be the most proficient instructor that I can be. Anyway...I'm sure this doesn't really concern most of you, I just wanted to share it because it made me so happy. I hope everyone's doing well...we're still trying to get me home. And by we, I mean the Big Guy and myself. He's doing most of the legwork.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine." PRO 3:5-10

I pray that I am ready for this gift, Lord. Be my strength and my Guide and I will submit to your will.

God bless,
-Matt

Hey

I just wanted to post a little thank you to everyone who reads this blog. It means a lot to me that you take the time to stop by, even when there's nothing new to see. I hope all of you are doing well...I miss New York, my friends, and my family very much. I hope you're all doing well, hopefully I'll see you all in a few weeks.

"The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined ... For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this." Isiah 9: 2,6,7

God Bless,
-Matt

Inspiration

I like to think of myself as a pretty artistic person. I'd hope that my friends and family would agree. I used to draw a bunch, and even a do little bit of water colors, but I haven't been doing any of that in a long time. It's hard for me not to have an artistic outlet...even though the biggest thing standing between me and that outlet is usually myself. But just lately I've found that one thing I can pour my energy and creativity into: painting.

I'm not painting on canvas or paper, though. I'm painting miniatures. They're for a game I play called Warhammer 40K (see previous entry). As a matter of fact, the whole painting aspect of the Warhammer is pretty much the reason why I got involved. Don't get me wrong, I do love setting up my army and whalloping Thorin (although he's usually the only person I can beat), but the greatest satisfaction I get from the whole experience is spending hours meticulously cutting, scraping, positioning, glueing, priming, painting, and basing. After all that work, seeing them complete and totally different from how I got them and almost realistic is really fantastic. It makes me so happy to get comments from other gamers on my models...of course, I just say thanks and try to play it off because I don't want to get a big head, but I thank God for the abilities that he has given me to create with my hands and my mind.

I go through periods of artistic drought, where I can/don't want to draw/paint/model for whatever reason. Sometimes I think it's because I just did something cool and I need time to recharge, and sometimes I think I feel like I did something good so I shouldn't push my luck or the next thing will be crap. It's weird. But once I get going...I can keep going until I achieve...something. But I'll get a lot of stuff done, and me sitting up here at 2:50am illustrates perfectly how I can get pulled into an artistic "fit" and just have to do something.

I wish you guys could see my stuff. I can't take pictures of them because my camera sucks. Besides, you really can't get a feel for what they actually look like unless they're right in front of you...and there's something cool about seeing a whole little army of well-painted guys ready for action. And for me, those guys also represent a lot of time and effort...and a connection with my Creator, the wonderful loving Father in Heaven who has blessed my life so generously with these gifts. I am in such awe of His love and interest in my life. I can just imagine sitting in front of Him and showing him my whole collection and telling Him about all the units, explaining how each one works and the history and all this useless crap that He already knows because He knows everything. But He stands there and smiles and listens intently, giving me His full attention because He loves me so much.

"When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him?" Psalm 8: 3, 4

I know how much time and effort it takes me to build these little plastic men and use my own clumsy brush strokes to try and bring them to life. It's hard to understand those things we cannot comprehend; this hobby gives me a closer understanding of Your greatness and it fills me with awe...and also thankfulness, that the God of all Creation would take an interest in my life.

God Bless,
-Matt