It's a Beautiful Monday

You know what? It actually did make me feel a lot better. Everything looks better in the light of day, too. Plus I had a good Monday, which is totally unheard of. I think that was because of a certain someone's prayers...or maybe many prayers that I'm not even aware of. But at least the one. I need to clean up and go to class. Everyone thank God for being so good and faithful. He'll never let you down, I promise. Well, HE promises. And you can count on that.


"Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;" Deuteronomy 7:8,9

And all the children said: A-MEN!

God bless,
-Matt

Rant? Wine?

I spent all weekend in my room, by myself, playing on the computer. I'm starting to hate the weekends just as much as I hate the weekdays. I am very lonely here. It's not that I don't have plenty of people to talk to, it's that I have no one to hang out with. It's crazy. And it's not that I need more time with God, or to read more Scripture about how He's always with me. I know that. I've read them. It's just that I've been like this for almost the entire time I've been in the Marine Corps, excluding when Audrey was out here. And even then sometimes I wished there were other people there I could hang out with. Where do I meet new people? Church? That is lonlier than staying in my room sometimes. I miss my friends. I miss my brothers. I hate this place. No, I don't hate California. I hate being alone. And I know that God is here with me. But God isn't pysically here hanging out with me. God does not verbally talk to me. God does not eat Panda Express or go to see movies or like to body boarding at Del Mar. So please, do not mention God to me. I love Him. He supports me. He is my strength. But I crave human companionship. *sigh* I'm not writing this down for pity's sake. I'm just putting it out there so I can look at how I'm feeling. Plus it pulls the gigantic weight off my heart. I don't know when I've been this miserable. But writing this has helped, actually. Because just like so many things in my life, I just have to fume about it and then accept it. *shrugs* Yeah. So there it is. I hope I feel better now.

God bless,
-Matt

Back

I'm back in California now. I've decided that I really don't like California. Not because anything California has done, mind you. Just because it's so unlike New York. And so far away from my friends and family. That is no good. It makes me sad. And then I sit around in my room all the time, or drive around and waste gas. Either way, it's not a good time. *sigh*

Did you ever wish you could hibernate?

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Deuteronomy 31:6

I'm not afraid...I'm just lonely.

God bless,
-Matt

P.S. I had an awesome time at home. Thanks to everyone who made it so great: Mom, Jacob, Josh, Todd, Dad, Cheryl, Sarah, Dave, Chris, and of course Natalie. I can't wait to see you all again.

Surprise!!

I'm not dead, I'm just home. I hope everyone's doing well...I'm getting along. I love my family, and I love New York. I can't believe I only have one year left in the Marines...about time. I'll be back in Cali in a week. I don't miss it...but I will when it's gone, I'm sure. Michelle, keep your chin up...Thorin and Molly, I miss you guys...Scott, come home soon...Audrey, I hope you're doing well...Jake, thanks for letting me see your place...Adam, where the heck are you...I love you guys.

God bless,
-Matt

Why?

Why, if I am a nice guy that doesn't drink, treat women like things or speak crudely about them, enjoy watching sports, or swear, do I have to be gay? Why is that the only conclusion that people can come to? I don't even care what they think. I know I'm not gay. Their uninformed opinion does not make me question anything about who I am. But it does make me go back to when I was just a goofy little dork with thick glasses and knobby knees. I remember what it was like to get picked on in class. On the playground. In the lunchroom. Why do people do this? Why do people treat people like this? How can a human being be so hurtful and harsh on the inside to actually desire to make other people feel bad? I am overwhelmed with sorrow for all the insults I have thrown, and for all the pain I have caused. I know that I am not that person anymore, but that doesn't make it any easier to think about.

*sigh*

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:44, 45

Please bring them peace in their hearts, Lord. Help them to discover your truth and saving grace, and change their hearts and their lives. I'm so sad for them. Even more so because I used to be one of them, and only by Your grace was I changed.

God bless,
-Matt

"...But Now I'm Found..."

Everyone has a plan for their life...or at least some expectations. Not that they have all the little details figured out, but they know pretty much which direction they want to go in. And some people do get into all the little details and whatnot...I think most people have a short film in their head containing the most important future moments of their lives. And then God comes along and says "No."

I never thought I would join the military. Certainly not the Marine Corps. And yet here I am, almost four years into my contract and shortly I'll be on my way out. This fall I'm applying for college...again. Except this time I'll be 23. Will I have to live on campus? How the heck am I supposed to share a room with some 19-20 year old kid? I will probably kill him, and then have to spend some time in prison. Not to mention the spiritual consequences. And don't even get me started on my plan for my relationships...which has been torn asunder many times...mostly by me screwing things up myself. *shakes head* Or going ahead with one plan when God is telling me something completely different. It's easy to tone Him out until he starts knocking with an A-bomb.

I need to be able to see God's plan and not just submit to His will, but submit joyfully. There is a reason for everything He does. If I'm in the Marine Corps, it's because He needs to build my character, have me see things most people never will, develope compassion and strength...billions of encounters and lessons weaving in and out of each other. No matter how perfect something might seem, no matter how much we want it...if He says no, it's because He knows best. How many little kids do you think thought their mommy or daddy was mean for not letting them touch that shiny red stove top?

I'm going home soon, and there probably won't be a lot of chances there for me to hang out with my friends...most of them don't live there anymore. But there is something there for me, some lesson, some message, some special time with my family, or quiet time with him that is waiting for me. All I have to do is open myself up. I've got the best navigator in the universe...time to trust His brilliant and perfect maps, and not the ones I drew up on a napkin.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

That is probably my favorite verse from the Bible. Let's keep our hands away from the stove, shall we?

God bless,
-Matt

I Got Cut in Half!

Which Star Wars character are you?

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